Actor on Actor: Yi Xuan and Rachel Yen on Playing Alicia (One Take) and Jacq (Girls, Girls, Girls) and Acting in Singapore

On watching each other in One Take and Girls, Girls, Girls.

Yi Xuan: I was from a girls' school right? So having Girls, Girls, Girls, for me was like, "Oh my gosh, I recognise that.” My friends and I, we recognised these actual lives, like, “I know that girl.” And when I watched you, your role (as Jacq) is so vulnerable. That felt so real to me and actually being from a low Social Economic Status (SES) family in a girls' school where girls are vapid and can be mean or direct. We were all struggling through puberty and it was so difficult to not hate yourself.

So when someone says they’ll book a Grab for you, that scene even though it was a small moment, it lingered in my head because you think to yourself like, "Am I supposed to feel like YES! Finally, like I've been taking the bus and MRT my whole life." or are you like, "Aw man but I have my principles too. She shouldn't have to pay for me all the time." As a kid, how do you navigate that?

I love your episode, I always tell people that is one of my favourite episodes of Girls, Girls, Girls.

Rachel: Aiyo, thank you eh. Yeah, ya lor. We've known each other for quite a long time. But I realised that we haven’t really known each other in terms of our work as actors. So I think this is very interesting that One Take was one of the first things that I saw you in terms of the work that you do as an actor. I think seeing you work made me.... My heart was so warm. You know? 

Even with One Take, there was also a thing where like, yeah, I did know someone when I was at that age who also made similar choices (as the characters).  And I really liked the episode with you and Salif (James) when you all meet as older people because One Take episodes are like snapshots or glimpses (into the characters’ lives) and I love it when you don't give the audience everything. So just the beginning and a bit of the end and they have to piece together what happened in the middle. Just seeing how much the characters grew and how much the power dynamics from the first and last episode changed with them.

“We need more diverse depictions of these roles. We need these these prescribed images we have in our heads to be dismantled.”

- Rachel on watching the scene where Alicia picks up her young son at the playground

Yi Xuan: Yeah! So when I read the Closing Time script, it's immediately apparent that she's (Alicia) still honest, and transparent, but she's more guarded. Like, she's not open to relationships. She no longer wears her heart on her sleeve I feel. She may care, she may be bothered by things., but I think, it’s that kind of thing where people are encouraging others in a way that’s like, "Oh, you don't have to explain yourself anymore." Where you feel like, “I don't have to justify my actions. I don't have to explain myself anymore.” And I think Alicia is there now. 

Is it a good thing? I don't know, because she is guarded. But then, it’s a good thing in a sense that she got to a place where she just doesn't care about what you think of her anymore. And I think that in itself is a testament of growth. She's in a very strange place where she's still very young, but has gone through so much. So, how does she relate to other people? Yeah, she struggles (with that). Oh, she struggles to relate to Jacq. I find it very interesting.

Rachel: She had to grow up faster. 

Yi Xuan: Yeah, she had to grow up faster. For people like that, it’s very strange to relate with other people who aren’t their peers and who aren’t that much younger than themselves.

Rachel: Yeah, when I read the script, I felt like it was the continuation from the episode of you and Salif. Like if we were to bring that moment next to ‘Closing Time’, I thought it was such a great continuation.

I felt Alicia’s strength and even in Episode 6 (of One Take), Alicia didn't bother to explain her situation to James. So in ‘Closing Time’ at the very beginning of the script it’s like her and these two drunk men, she’s just like, “Okay, please leave, sir, thank you very much.” It's very similar to, "I'm just doing this because it's my job. I'm supposed to tell you that we're closing, but I'm not going to bother with any of the accusations you're throwing at me. Please leave. Thank you very much." It's like this girl probably has had a million side eyes and a million people judging her so now she's like, I really don't care anymore.

Rachel: It's what you said right? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Who are we (as viewers) to put a label on these things? For Jacq, because of the circumstances she comes from, she’s had to grow up quickly. Like she has to get a job at quite a young age. And at this job, she has to deal with people in a bar that are much older than her when she’s just 18. It's that feeling of how she’s been forced to grow up, but her character and her personality hasn’t necessarily caught up yet. She’s sort of still thinking in quite an impulsive and some might say, childish way. But the things that she has to do are necessary for her age. Earning her own income and working at a bar is probably a part time job that pays the most. So she's in this situation which requires a little bit more maturity and it's sort of not matching up to her personality and age. But it's so interesting to watch.

Yi Xuan: There’s a line Alicia says, “Shouldn't you be out making mistakes you will regret at 26?” So how do you feel about that as Rachel, the actress? 

Rachel: I was quite focused on what I wanted. So I didn’t allow myself to maybe experience some life experiences that lots of people would tell you to do, like the mistakes they tell you to go make lah. Like, I just wasn't interested in that. Maybe it's because of my personality or maybe because it's like, I wanted to stay focused or whatever. But if I were to think about mistakes, I think it is a privilege that I could experience life in this way. Being in theatre and acting, you make mistakes all the time. You just have to be open, to be stupid, and to be vulnerable to not be in control. Thinking about it, I don't regret any of these mistakes or making mistakes in the space of theatre and acting.

On Their Acting Careers

Yi Xuan: On that note, how's your journey been like as an actress so far?

Rachel: So far? I've only been doing this professionally for about three years, but I've been acting and doing theatre for a long time because I went to School Of The Arts (SOTA). I also went overseas for a bit to do actor training and stuff like that. But I think in Singapore, professionally, it's very difficult. I think it’s just that the market still needs to grow. Yeah. The rules also need to grow. But I think in general it's been very wonderful meeting other actors.

Yi Xuan: Yeah, I think I agree with what you're saying. But I guess, with the global pandemic, it is difficult but I think constantly being in the community helps, because it's a very practical thing because jobs lead to jobs. But I don't champion networking (for jobs) until it becomes a priority. I don't think that is true at all. 

I think it's more of like, you get the training, you prepare yourself well, and then you keep being in the pot. You can't blame the industry if you are not in the vicinity. I feel lah. I did my training in Lasalle which is very vocational. So it's linked to the industry and that makes a difference. In your schooling years, you are also closely interacting with the industry. So that I'm not saying to anyone reading this that if you go to Lasalle, it’ll be smooth sailing, it's not. It's more like, it's a good place to start and to be, because then you are constantly in the community.


And I think humility is important. Because we have this idea of being an actor means you act. It's true. But also when you are just starting out, I think it's important to see that you have to be humble enough to be willing to do anything and everything, like willing to help out on set. Are you willing to help out in stage production? To be a stage hand, to be a stage manager, to be a sound operator? Are you willing to be a mascot, to be a front of house? I feel like if you let humanity lead you then it really opens up a lot of doors because you’re not too proud to take jobs. It's like, "I am an actor, why should I be pressing the light cues?", but I'm just happy to be in the moment with meaningful work, and that's why I'm here to help out. 

Rachel: Is there anything you want aspiring actors and actresses to know?

Yi Xuan: I think, right, if I’ve heard this advise way before, it’s like, "Do this only if you feel like that's the only thing you can do.”

Rachel: Yeah, that was what I was going to say. 

Yi Xuan: If you have other strengths and other interests that you feel like you can pursue and let's say you're very good in accountancy, then go for that. Because you would only be miserable if you’re hammering at this (acting). And it's so tough and you're not financially stable. Only do this, if that's the only thing you can do. Because then your joy derives from your work. So even, it's very bad work, like very bad paying, you’ll still stay on because you feel like that's the only thing you can do.

Rachel: Was there a moment you knew that, “This is the only thing I can do?”

Yi Xuan: I think knowing that is kind of a privilege. Because I've heard so many people who say they go to Uni, and they’re taking general courses, because they still don't know what they want to do. And I really feel for them. Because it must be very frustrating to not know what you want to do in life. Because I knew when I was 13 that, like, I only wanted to act, and then it simplified my whole life for me. Because then my path is straight, then I don't think and I don't allow myself to be distracted by other things. 

I guess maybe your life is different from mine, like you don't have to do one thing only. I think we're in the age and era of the world where a lot of people are not just doing one thing, people are like vloggers and writers or people are like filmmakers and also business owners. They really want to open a Mookata store, but they also want to make films or whatever. Like maybe you’re just a generalist in that sense, where you are able to do many things and have many things on your plate, because who says if you can only do one thing, but in my life, I think I only can do one thing lah so that's different.

Rachel:I think it's helpful when I look at the industry as a whole. A lot of creatives or actors do other things too. A lot of them are directors or writers as well, or they have normal part time or full time jobs, and then they take leave to act. It doesn't mean that when you want to do acting that's all that you can do, especially with job market, it's hard to have acting be a financially sustainable thing. You do need other sources of income especially if you're starting out. You can find other sources of income from work that you do enjoy. 

Even for myself, even though I've wanted to act for a long time, and that's probably the creative outlet that I really enjoy. But I also write, I want to direct. I love to teach, so there are other ways in which I can sort of sustain my creative work. But still, you have to take chances, you have to sort of put yourself out there. I've done so many performances, and you have to sort of put in the time to figure these things out.

Rachel: Do you feel like this job has changed you?

Yi Xuan: I always tell people that I think this is a fantastic job to exercise my muscle of empathy. Because you literally put yourself in the shoes of someone else who isn’t you. You live your own life, right? It becomes easier and easier to think along the lines of how can my knee jerk reaction not be of judgment, but to justify. Justification doesn't mean approval. Even if a character does something that doesn’t align with your personal views, at least you understand where that person is coming from. And that stops you from judging people.

The more I work, the more I can practice empathy. And I always think it’s because this job is a human job and it helps you to grow as a person also.

Rachel: Yeah, I totally agree with that point as well. This job inevitably makes me very aware of social issues, not just in terms of the academic approach of it, but real lived experiences of systematic and social injustices and issues. I also think that media informs so much of how we think and how we view the world, especially when dealing with issues about representation, issues of diversity, inclusion.

Yi Xuan: Exactly, like NSFTV - they’ve created characters who are memorable and full. Like when you’re growing up and you watch TV shows or movies where there are interesting characters. And you reference them, you go back to them, you think about them as you grow up.

I hope the audience doesn’t think that they always have to look outside or overseas for characters that they can find endearing or stories that they can go back to. I think that kind of raw honesty that they like about international works can really be found locally as well.

And I hope they go through their lives with their friends not referencing Monica and Chandler but with Kim and Jacq, you know? Claire, James, Alicia, and Cass. Yeah. And I hope that we’ve contributed to a little of that, to make people feel less alone. 

Rachel: Yeah, I hope that people feel a bit more seen. I feel like in general, Singapore’s local content gets a bad rep. I might be a bit presumptuous in saying this, but in general, I just hope that also people can grow to be proud of Singaporean content and Singaporean work. I think that there’s such a great pool of talent in Singapore. I really hope that people will be willing and interested to watch and also to actively be part of this growing process (of Singaporean content).

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This conversation was edited for brevity and clarity.

Executive Producer at NSFTV and 'One Take', Tan Hui Er, on Creating Meaningful Work

Like many young people in Singapore, you were brought up by our education system. What did it feel like when the next phase of your life wasn’t predictable anymore?

After University, I was adamant about not doing a full time job. I wanted to be selfish for once because it was the one time I could literally do whatever I wanted (because I was privileged enough to).

I was so excited, the world was so big and I couldn’t wait to see what was going to happen. I was hungry and ambitious and curious. But life had its own plans for me - my batch mate and I had an idea to do a short film that turned into an anthology that then turned into a web series. We knew it was going to be good and the only company we trusted enough to produce the web series with offered both of us full time positions to bring it to life, so here I am.

I don’t blame anyone or anything and I don’t regret it. I wanted to tell a good story and that was the only way I knew we could. 

Your first job out of school always seems like a venture into the wilderness, how did you navigate towards charting your own path?

I actually think it’s the opposite. I don’t think it felt very wild. It was scary for sure, but no it did not feel wild. Because that’s what people do right? After school, you work. And boy, did we work. I think when you are fuelled by your own purpose, the need to prove yourself, and to bring justice to a story - you kind of just push yourself. So I guess it was different from school in the sense that no one was there to grade us or tell us what to do next. We were pretty much left to our own devices to make One Take. 

Quite simply, we were a bunch of fresh graduates given a platform to do whatever we wanted with. We were very lucky. And if someone hands you a microphone, gives you a crowd, you might as well say something good with it right?

Speaking about finding your way, social media seems like the last place you’d want to venture into given how noisy and negative it can be. What were you trying to accomplish with NSFTV?

Social media can get very noisy. That was one of the big things we considered while trying to decide what to do with the brand. We realised that despite the space being so crowded, it can be so easy to feel lonely. Why?

I think that became our premise. How can we make people feel less alone? The whole point of social media, glaring negatives and all, is just people trying desperately to connect, to be seen, to be heard. So it’s about creating a platform for just that. 

So what has been the thought process behind the content that gets published on NSFTV?

It’s always been about making people feel seen, and creating conversations about issues not discussed enough. And doing it in a way that is engaging, exciting and interactive for social media. I can’t outline a clear definitive thought process, but there’s a sense of being reactive to the times. 

The values we built One Take on translated into the values we wanted to have for the brand - we wanted to tell stories that weren’t authentically represented in media and we wanted to show that the boundaries of making moving visuals are endless.

“We are building a community of people passionate about change and authentic storytelling and I really think this is just the beginning.”

Just like your path into work and adulthood, NSFTV leans towards taking unconventional routes to discover purpose and a unique voice. But personally, what does NSFTV mean to you?

I mean, I’ve spent way too many sleepless nights on NSFTV so maybe it’s sunk cost fallacy that makes me so emotionally invested, haha! But I guess in a way, yes. What excites me about the work is that no other platform is doing what we are doing. I think about the younger version of me and the types of content that was available to me at that point in time - the stories that were being told, the type of people that were on screen and how I didn’t recognise those stories or those people in my own reality.

And now, when I read comments or messages about how our young audiences feel seen and heard, it’s a very special feeling. 

How are you, and by extension, NSFTV, planning to grow and develop with your audience and fans?

When we were designing this website, I wanted a page dedicated to the viewers - just to say thank you.

For every work we put out, it’s a piece of the creative team’s heart asking, “do you feel this way too?” So when people respond with the most heartfelt words - be it privately or publicly, it makes us feel seen and heard and we want to keep doing the same for our viewers. 

This interview was edited for brevity and clarity.